Entries from September 2005 ↓
September 30th, 2005 — Asia 2005, Photos, Thailand
Have reached Chumphon after 12 hours on a train. Killing six hours before a midnight ferry to Koh Tao.
When in Thailand, never refer to anybody as “madam”. It means “black dog”.
When in Thailand, if considering purchase of prickly heat powder, avoid. Its active components are ground glass, extra strong mints and diesel. Particularly do not apply to scrotum or armpits immediately before dinner. When at dinner, do not refer to waitress as “madam’ - see above.
When in Thailand, climb a mountain and swim in a lake under a waterfall.
NB - the Jeath War Museum at Kanchanaburi is run by monks and is a poignant reminder of the atrocities of the Second World War. Less well known is the fact that is houses a “Miss Thailand Directory” in the same building.
*****
I was fearless!
September 27th, 2005 — Asia 2005, Thailand
Dear Mother,
Thanks so much for your concerned telephone call, it’s encouraging to know that you are thinking of me. Please don’t worry that I am drinking too much - the beers here are very small and I’m sure you wouldn’t begrudge your eldest son a couple of pints a day at the beginning of his holiday? Please rest assured that after the excesses of the last few days, I am now relaxing by the River Kwai, visiting tiger sanctuaries and the like and sipping nothing stronger than pineapple juice.
You will be pleased to hear that I am so serious about my new, healthier lifestyle, that I have tattooed “Sober and Vigilant” in Gothic script across my forehead, with an Oriental dragon breathing fire down my nose.
I remain,
Your loving son.
September 25th, 2005 — Asia 2005, Thailand
Just about to leave Bangkok for Kanchanaburi. Supposed to go today but opted for lie-in instead. Last time I was here that happened 21 days in a row. Resolved no repetitions this time. Last time I was here I urinated nocturnally all over my hotel room. Ditto.
In ten days I’ve read six books, drunk 47 beers and 26 litres of water, gawped at 18 simultaneously bare breasts and a very long length of ribbon, spent 360 euros, slept like a baby every night and said “no thank you” 12000 times.