Entries from September 2005 ↓

1. Grasshoppers taste like fleshy Twiglets.

2. “Security reason for you:
When you’re going out, please do not leave the key in the pad here. The electricity will be too hot. It will break down and make a fire. The management will not be responsible for the damage.”

3. Proud to have first bout of the shits. May or may not be grasshopper-related.

Flight from Paris to Bahrein, three suspicious characters going to and from the toilets. One would go in, one or both of the others would hang around outside, the door open. Then they’d all walk back together, one of the lurkers returning immediately afterwards and locking himself in. The third time it happened I was in full kung-fu anti-hijack mode. I got up, invited one of the lurkers to use the empty cubicle next to him. He said no. I said why not. He told me he was waiting for his prisoner. Poor sod was being deported.

Nobody was waiting for me at the airport, despite the pick-up I’d booked. The hotel told me it was much cheaper to get my own taxi. Very thoughtful, I thought.

After sleeping all day had a drink in hotel bar. Took roughly 30 seconds to get pitched by a hooker, whose parents were both dead and sister widowed and no money. I moved to another table, ordered some food, when she came over again. I decided I’d be gay to save embarrassment. Before I could speak she said “If you no like ladies, perhaps you like boys? My friend the barman thinks you’re very cute.” The barman, however, wasn’t very cute, so last night I wasn’t gay.

I was, however, very much engaged to be married and my girlfriend will be joining me next week and I was sorry but no way was I interested. “Oh you such a nice guy, where are all the nice guys like you, you really good man … so … wanna fuck?”

I ran, but not before she wrote her room number on a beermat.

To be honest, I was a little scared.

Too many wires …