I want your dong!

In Hoi An, halfway up the right-hand side of Vietnam, a Paris of the East. Hoi An is renowned for its cut-price tailors. My memory shall be the rain. It’s got progressively wetter as I’ve progressively progressed north. I’ve yet to invest in a poncho or umbrella, but I think it’s only a matter of time. Time is forcing me to type fast as power-outages are common. My speling wlk not fsufferf, thouhg.

I’ve been on a spending spree. I followed a girl on a bicycle (first time since I was twelve) to her aunty’s shop for my first fisting (my speling wlk not fsufferf) for a pair of suits and a couple of shits (my speling etc.). They gave me coffee, compliments and a Next catalogue. I ordered two suits and two shirts. I can happily say I now look like a high-street mannequin. I’m off to a second shop for a second fitting once the rain has stopped dripping on my keyboard and hopefully this time will be dapperer than ever, my suits chosen from a year-old copy of Men’s Health. (I know.)

Five suits (including one safari suit - they refused to do it for me in powder-blue, muttering something about professional integrity,) four shirts and a winter coat for a couple of cents over 300 euros. Not that I’d risk them at the dry-cleaners, though.

I was worried about being taken to the cleaners here, but have enjoyed fixed pricing and fair-trade. The first shop were mighty pushy, though. I learnt to sell things in Malta, when I touted timeshare to the world. It was a skill I soon forgot, and not nearly as effective as the sometimes doe-eyed, sometimes cheeky and sometimes just plain aggressive Vietnamese Close. In Saigon it was “Motorcycle? Marijuana?” In Dalat, “Where you go? I take you.” In Nha Trang, “Motorbike? You very handsome … I suck you?” Here in Hoi An is the honest and direct “You BUY something?” normally followed with “Why NOT?” If you do succumb, as I did this afternoon, you get a sweet nod of thanks, followed by “You BUY something MORE???”

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Most blogs are barred in Vietnam by the big IT department in Hanoi, along with various other websites like MSN Groups and the recruitment website of the British Army (well, my thoughts have been to the future …) I can’t see this blog from anywhere here, which means I can’t post pictures, so I’ll have to give you a link  here. Lots of pretty Shakespeare-worship ones and the like. Soon off to Hanoi for more big-city shenanigans …