Notes on the last few days

I have left my job due to a particularly nasty bout of papercutitis.

In preparation for a new life of cold-calling and sales-talk I woke early this morning and sat through Glengarry Glen Ross, Wall Street and Boiler Room. I’ve re-read my copy of “How to Win Friends and Influence People”.

I went out for a jar or three to celebrate last night and ran into what seemed to be a Brussels Bloggers Convention. Tippler, Zoe, Aunty Marianne and Daphne were all there. Somebody asked me “what do you do? Are you a blogger?” If you’d asked my grandfather that, he probably would have punched you.

I went to Planckendael Zoo. Although the bonobos and bongos were worth it, it put me off kids for a while.

I’ve asked Tom to redesign Kim Bah Lee (the website, not the person). As soon as it’s done, I’ll recommend him heartily.

I’ll already recommend a friend’s new business. Roland of White Riders has opened SkiidyGonzales. If any of you are near Geneva this winter, give him a call.

11/16/2006 | Belgium, Omphaloskepsis | No Comments

Victory march

Jazz Travels has been going about three weeks. His prose is not only purple but also, sometimes, Italian. Yet somehow he’s tipped the scales at more than 280 subscribers.

Jazz is a friend. We would often drink beer together. But I can’t have this. I propose a bit of dick-swinging. If you’re not already a Kim Bah Lee subscriber, subscribe now. Please.

When you do, you’ll be part of a community that has recently been driven by Google searches for (in order of appearance):

  • “posh wank”
  • “nursing arse wipers”
  • “bum gun”
  • “dirty stuff”
  • “i what a bah”
  • “email contact of belgium reverend mothers”
  • “let my dog lick”
  • “my dog lick feels good”
  • and “naughty stuff”

Go on, join the club. I’ll have you as a member

10/18/2006 | Omphaloskepsis | No Comments

Another week, nothing achieved.

Another week, nothing gained. Nobody wants my furniture, apart from six gents in Nigeria, one of whom said:

HELLO
I AM INTERESTED IN BUYING ITEM .I LIVE HER IN THE U.S I WILL BE RESTPONSIBLE FOR THE SHIPPMENT DOWN TO MY LOCATION, SO PLEASE KINDLY WRITE ME BACK WITH YOUR LAST OFFERING PRICE,I ALSO NEED THE PIC ,I WILL THEREFORE NEED THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION OF YOURS TO FORWARD TO MY CLIENT BEFORE HE SENDS THE CHECK……
NEME IN FULL………..
ADDRESS IN FULL………
COUNTRY………….
ZIPCODE………..
CELL/OFFICE/HOMENUMBER
WAITING TO HEAR FROM
REGARDS
JOHNSON

You can’t have my neme, you can’t have my number, you can’t have my “special order delivery note by Western Union”. You, sir, are a Johnson.

And it’s very rare that I laugh out loud, particularly at the inane nonsense in the Blogosphere, but Harry Hutton of Chase me ladies made me do just that:

“We owe a great debt of gratitude to Britain’s teachers. If it weren’t for them we’d all be speaking German. And French. And Latin. And be able to do sums.”

This weekend I mean to do something.

09/15/2006 | Omphaloskepsis | No Comments

French letters and other dirty stories

I should have started writing anonymously. I could have written all sorts of naughty stuff. The kind of stuff that would get me demanified now. I met a lovely young mother the other day who does a wonderful job as a charity fundraiser. She also used to write pornographic letters for smutty magazines.

The Observer Woman magazine has a supplement today with write-ups of the following blogs, all but one of which have been made into books. They’re all worth a browse on a Friday afternoon. They’re all written by women. They all contain a healthy dose of smut and they’re all now phenomenally popular.

Greek Tragedy – New Yorker Stephanie Klein’s blog. Get’s in excess of 200,000 visits a month. Has written a book, Straight Up and Dirty, which is being turned into a TV show.
Favourite line: ” I let my dog lick me in private places but this reads way worse than it is.”

Petite Anglaise – doesn’t have a book out yet, but does have a legal case to fight against her former employers. British expat in Paris (which sort of makes us neighbours), raising a three-year old on her own, having succumbed to the French obligation of keeping a lover. A lovely, delicious read.

The Washingtonienne – couldn’t get into this one. A woman called Jessica Cutler who sleeps with people, sometimes for money, sometimes for kicks. Worked at US Congress for a while and has a book out.

Girl With a One Track Mind – called herself Abby Lee until she got outed by the same people who were promoting her book as Zoe Margolis. Used to work in film and tv and catalogues, in detail, what she does with boys. Has a book out under her pseudonym. Reads like a letter to Razzle. Very often very funny.

Lastly, Belle de Jour (sic), who I have been reading for ages, was one of the first to hit the headlines and remains erudite, witty and reassuringly expensive. Her books are selling like five-dollar blow-jobs and are better value for money.

09/10/2006 | Omphaloskepsis | No Comments

Free book!

The Friday Project publishes books. Good books. They’ve included biographies of Timothy Leary, the picture book series “A boy/girl called …” and “Beer in the Evening – the ultimate guide to London pubs.”

They also produce a weekly newsletter, The Friday Thing which gives me all my opinions for the coming seven days. One day they will publish Kim Bah Lee – A Novel.

Now, for possibly the first time ever, they’re releasing a downloadable full-text version of a new book at the same time it’s available at Amazon. It’s by Tom Reynolds, the ambulance-driving author of the excellent blog Random Acts of Reality. And it’s totally free. This is what the internet was made for.

Read it now – Blood, Sweat and Tea by Tom Reynolds

08/25/2006 | Omphaloskepsis | 1 Comment

  •  
  •