How not to invest your money

I bumped up my new mortgage by investing in a parking space.

There are fifty parking spaces in the garage.

Only one has a low ceiling. Not very low, just not high enough for, say, a big car.

There are fifty cars to go in those spaces. Only one is too big for the one space with a low ceiling.

There is, therefore, a one in 2500 chance that our car wouldn’t fit in the space.

And guess what?

There goes 25000 euros.

09/21/2006 | Belgium, Omphaloskepsis | No Comments

Becoming a millionaire slowly

I’ve spent a few quid in my time on books on becoming a billionaire overnight. Mostly they’ve been a waste of money. But following a pint and some cunning deduction, I’ve worked out a way of becoming immediately richer in just five minutes …

According to my maths, I’ve just made a quarter of a million euros in a blink of an eye. It works like this:

  1. Give up smoking, save 4 euros a day = 1460 euros a year.
  2. Give up coffee at work, save 3.25 euros a day = 650 euros a year (based on 200 working days a year)
  3. Give up quaffing in pubs, save 50 euros a week = 2600 euros a year (don’t worry Mum, I’m a generous round-buyer …)

Total in a year = 4710 euros

Figure in a couple of extraneous expenses, including one or two meals out a year and cutting down on book-buying = 500 euros

So, hoping I live for another 50 years: (4710 + 500) x 50 = 260 500 euros

 … and all of this not taking inflation into account, I’d say that’s a tidy nest egg.

I will be starting work very soon as an independent financial advisor. Feel free to contact me for more lucid, professional advice …

08/07/2006 | Omphaloskepsis | No Comments

  •  
  •