Cultural Learnings of America

Apologies for the lack of action. Kim Bah Lee Mansions remains an internet-free zone and I’ve been busy leaving my job, more of which later. But for now, a quick run-down on the recent venture stateside, in a half-arsed and lazy manner.

New York – not many vegetables – Marathon – elections – quite cold – hot dogs – Manhattan – Grey Goose – Hudson Hotel – investment bankers – Grand Central Oyster Bar – Fifth Avenue – eggs over easy – MOMA – walk/don’t walk – United Nations – Tiffany’s – Key Lime Pie – the massive disappointment that is beef jerky (to be expounded upon).


11/16/2006 | Omphaloskepsis | No Comments

The nation’s thyroid gland

I’ve fancied New York for as long as I can remember. Not in a sexual way, more an aspirational one. This time next week I’ll wake up in the Big Smoke. It’s going to be five degrees. This is good, as it means the pavements will be steaming.

I’m going for a roast beef sandwich with pickles.
I’m going for a jog through Central Park, and whilst crossing a bridge I’ll make eye contact with a small blonde jogger. She’ll be wearing a grey tracksuit with pink trim, one of those hair-band things, and headphones. We’ll jog on the spot and chat to each other.
I’m going for a yellow taxi with a sweaty Hispanic driver.
I’m going for a red and white diner at four in the morning with flickering neon lights and weak coffee.
I’m going for a bum to shout abuse at me on the sidewalk.
I’m going for a beer on somebody’s steep front steps and walk-don’t walk.
I’m going for spaghetti with meatballs and taking cover in a cinema showing an old movie and a black cop with a big fat ass directing the traffic.

A million photos, no doubt, to follow.

10/26/2006 | Omphaloskepsis | No Comments

Brussels author’s sexcapades revealed

For the first and last time, I’ve got the painters in. The stress is palpable. Girls, I feel your pain.

Speaking of pain, I put my back out at the weekend shifting sixty-odd boxes up and down the street “to save the removals men the trouble”. Tsk. Thankfully the Chelsea Tractor (which still doesn’t fit in the garage) is a beast and stood up to the task.

I’ve been getting a bit of grief for being an urban 4×4 owner. I say stop beefing. I only use it to go to the shops. Not much environmentally unfriendly about that.

Mrs K turns thirty on Friday. We’re going to New York to celebrate. Unlike The Author, who got lucky, I’m not sure I’ll have my stay catalogued in any glossy magazines …

In other news, since the untimely demise of The Sprout, to which yours truly occasionally contributed, I’ve noticed this little blog has sprung up. Could it be the same people? Made me laugh anyway …

09/25/2006 | Omphaloskepsis | No Comments

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