Tourism’s decline in Malta

David put me onto a barrage of letters to the Times of Malta, all discussing the downturn in tourism. A summary:

  • A hotel receptionist wore flip-flops
  • Roads are dusty and “all the cars you see are just full of dust” (sic)
  • Tourists are overcharged
  • Bus drivers are rude
  • Students shout and scream
  • Too much construction work
  • Too many timeshare touts
  • “The country is dirty and shabby” or “the place is in total shambles and one big eyesore” or just plain “general squalor”
  • and my favourite: “being asked to pay Lm1.25 for a pea cake filled with sawdust”, which is not, apparently, a contravention of any trade-descriptions legislation.

So being just twenty-four hours away from a return to the mother-in-law-land, I propose a full investigation on all the following points. I will report back regularly on the following:

  • Receptionists in flip-flops (1 point for each complete pair)
  • Cars “just full of dust” (1 point per car – 2 for a van or people-carrier, 3 for a bus. Slightly dusty or dust-specked vehicles will not be taken into consideration)
  • Rate of overcharging of tourists. (I won’t ask every tourist, just four, or perhaps five. 1 point for every percentage point overcharged during course of two-week stay.)
  • Level of rudeness of bus-drivers when confronted with heavily-perspiring, confused and slightly drunk Englishman who doesn’t know where he wants to get off. (1 point for general unhelpfulness, 2 points for swearing, 3 for blasphemy and 5 points for physical contact)
  • Level of construction work. (Measured in ladders per square meter, two points for ladder-to-land-mass-ratio of six or above)
  • Rowdiness of students. (1 point for each instance of nocturnal fornication, vomiting or public urinating.)
  • Timeshare touts (5 points for each winning scratchcard)
  • Number of LM1.25 pea-cakes filled with sawdust consumed. (1 point per dozen. Pea-cakes filled with peas don’t count)

Presuming they let us get on the flight tomorrow, first report should be with you by Monday.

Stay safe, visit Malta.

08/10/2006 | Malta | No Comments

Tourist’s holiday ruined by newspaper

Maltese immigration issues

A Somali holidaymaker is complaining of having his trip to Malta “ruined” after a photo of him relieving himself was published in a national newspaper.

Mohamed Abdi Ibraham arrived only yesterday on the island, courtesy of the Armed Forces of Malta, and already is receiving “funny looks” from the locals, he said this morning.

“It’s an invasion of my privacy. I had no idea that within minutes of arriving I would have my photo plastered on the front page of the Times,” he said. “Now I’m afraid to take my family outside.”

Mr. Ibrahim had originally intended to spend his summer vacation in Lampedusa, Italy, but after a suggestion from one of Brigadier Carmel Vassallo’s representatives, he changed his plans at the last minute.

“I wasn’t sure about coming to Malta in the first place,” Mr. Ibrahim, who is staying with 22 members of his family at the Hal-Far detention centre, said. “Now this has happened I probably won’t be coming back.”

The local backlash has been fierce. Many residents are “stunned” that Mr. Ibrahim chose to act in such a manner. “It’s a disgusting abuse of hospitality,” said one Birkirkara resident. A spokesman for the Malta Maritime Authority said that Mr. Ibrahim’s behaviour was “thoughtless”. “Normally, you would hang off the edge of the boat, submerge yourself to the waist and pee whilst pretending not to,” he explained.

Despite the shock of the unwanted attention, Mr. Ibrahim has no plans to return immediately to Somalia, saying it was “pretty shit over there.”

(With thanks to the Times of Malta)

07/28/2006 | Malta | No Comments

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